Polar opposites from joyful to furious...

My pager went off at 7:46am. It was my first baby of the call day. I was called to a c-section, a highly anticipated c-section to a woman with a very complex past medical history in her thirties. She and her husband were elated at the coming of their first baby. Then at 8:22am there she was their beautiful baby. I reached out for it to dry, suction and assess. She was gorgeous...yes even covered with the vernix. Thankfully she pinked right up with not much intervention and was perfectly healthy. I wrapped her up in my perfected burrito wrap with warmed blankets and headed to the front of the bed where dad was anxiously waiting with is high tech digital camera. He snapped a few and I quickly offered to exchange baby for camera. Now baby was in his hands and the camera was in mine. I snapped dad's love for his new baby in a picture. I captured his hands on her head. Him holding her close to mom and the tears running down mom's face. The first kiss. The three of them. The beauty, the joy, the moment was engraved in my heart and a digital memory card. I was touched to say the least. But this was only the beginning...my next job was to wheel baby way to the nursery while the surgery was finished. I rolled the crib down the hall to be greeted by 11 family members in the waiting room. This is when the tears finally filled my eyes. Grandpa picked up the little one and was all choked up. Aunts, uncles, cousins, and grandparents gathered to welcome this new life. I said to the nurse standing next to me "Wow love made visible." It was a moment for the record books. This is my favorite nice sweet story from the month.

Unfortunately there were more moments of frustration and a little furious-ness. So of coarse I love, value and respect life. It's part of who I am. Part of what makes me act in ways that I do and form my opinions. Let me share highlights of a few sad-discouraging-frustrating-ridiculous moments. "A mom"...wait let me take that back...I can't use the word mom since with it come a connotation of respect and love. "A woman who just gave birth" asks "does the baby look black, mexican or white cuz I'm not sure who the daddy is." We think well actually he looks chinese. We have to laugh at the crazy situations. The same lady's drug screen comes back with positive cocaine drug screen. GRRR...This beautiful baby's future is bleak in our eyes and we(fellow interns and I) feel helpless. We kid about stealing the baby and taking turns watching her on our non-call days. So CPS comes to the rescue...we breathe a sigh of relief...UNTIL we here who gets custody..."Sugardaddy's mom" I'm not kidding you! Who is sugar daddy? Possibly dad? NOPE just sugar daddy! We kid hey can we get one of those sugar daddies?! ;) So ladies and gentlemen this is a blink in the life of newborn nursery. Joyful to furious. Wanting to cry, crying, and laughing. I don't want to be a cynic. I don't think I ever will be but sometimes you have to laugh at situations to keep the sadness and the reality of the darkness in this world at a tolerable minimum. I don't want to forget the darkness and I don't want to stop wanting to change it or wanting to help but I will laugh and try to remain a light in hopes lessen the darkness.